My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
