ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
