Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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