If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
