Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
