i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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