I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
