I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
