You made me cry and you don't even care
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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