it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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