that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
