this beer tastes like vomit already
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
