hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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