is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
