is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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