Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
