Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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