I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
