He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
