and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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