Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
