I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
