Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
