I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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