whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
