whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
