I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
