you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
