Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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