do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
