well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It's never too late to be topless.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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