by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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