I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
