getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
