I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
