i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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