my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
