I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
