I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
