Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
