The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
