Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
