Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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