I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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