you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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