Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
