I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
