i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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