I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
worst night to have a conscience
i drank out of a bidet.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
