How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
