Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
