Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
