On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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