All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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