i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
