your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize