guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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