He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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