I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
