I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
