I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
