Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
