i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's never too late to be topless.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
