Please, let me fuck your mom
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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