When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
