my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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