Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
