Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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