Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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