nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
