i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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